Pissed Off

But not a threat to your well being.

I feel like that should be the whole piece: a title and one short sentance. But you demand more for your attention, much more for a return visit. Ya know what is wild, there is one blog I go to where this guy, a lawyer, writes and writes page after what must be page and no body visits him. He writes well too, but shit it's not like many people visit my site either. Why do I put these post out there? I guess I post because I enjoy it sometimes. Sometimes!But like right now, I am not enjoying it slightly. It's seems more trouble than it's worth. Yet, I feel motivated to succeed here. In the back of my mind I know when this post is published on the net, it is published and if no one ever reads it that's OK. But there is a chance that someone will.

I am a laborer by trade. A grunt. What do you do? Do you work in an office or a kitchen? Most of us are not fortunate enough to be a leader in anything. Not even in our own lives. Publishing here is our chance to lead, our chance to go there first, to say what we want to say, be who we are and for others to have the opertunity to see us do it. That's why I am here anyway, just to be me and have fun doing it no matter how trying, challenging, or insignificant it is.

I think back to my successes now because I have them. I hope you do too.

Nothing Is For Free

We all know this but it doesn't stop us from trying to take advantage. Ever since I have been using "free" internet services like Blogger and Hello, my computer has been on a downward spiral. Slower and slower, more pop up ads, and less ease of use. Using free internet services is a lot like shopping at Walmart. You can buy the prices, but they use the merchandise.

The people who possess the internet, those of you who have been there since it's inception, must feel damn near electrifided when you sit down to a conputer that's conected, becuase the rest of us sure don't. We get a sputter here and there, but over all it's kinda a tease. There are a hundred different analogies I could use but none of them are in good taste.

None of this stops me from getting what I can get. I still shop at Walmart and each time I go in I say to myself: "Look at this racket. Look at this rat trap. How come i feel like I am being raped?" But I keep going. Call me optimistic. Say I can't resist a bargin. Just don't say I want something for nothing.

Calling Attention to my Subtitle

All I want to be is my true self. It confuses me though, that there are forces that work against this. Am I the victim of a karma that is slowly begining to sweeten. Yes, it is true that I deserve a some what sour present for my less then desirable past. But...

Do I deserve to spill the glass when I thirst the most? Or is my thirst just begining to mount? Maybe I am snacking before dinner, but I am hungry and sometimes I am tempted to eat any cold day old sandwich that's sitting in the fridge.

Ummm, isn't that good.

Moving Forward

We all have an obligation to make the most of our time. Many of us don't take this obligation very seriously. I didn't once and nature taught me a very hard leson. A huge chunk of time was stolen from me, but not really stolen because noone was responsible for taking it, I just threw it away really. So we are obligated to ourselves lest we are doomed to waste more time thinking, damn, I wasted so much time.

What a nasty cycle that is. My guess is that we all, no matter how much productive shit we have worked for early on, feel somewhat like we have missed an opportunity or two, but productivity has a way of making those moments shorter. An equal and opposite positive cycle.

Taking shit too seriously, what a waste of time. Not knowing when to throw it all away, I guess that's another. Looking for a point when there isn't one, that's not a waste of time, that is the essense of enjoyment.

Sorry about the...

Think how unlikely it is for someone to acually have a blog following. I have read that there are a few folks out there that are actually making a living off BLOGS. I didn't want to make a living when I began this one. I just wanted some people to stop by and read what I had to say. Like most of you, I started making entries in a sort of a journal style. Stuff about my day and what I thought and about my relative likes or dislikes in the blog world.

Then I saw how dry and uninteresting they were to an average reader. Like who would want to log on and read rambling of anyone's, nevermind mine? So, I came up with a concept. (See sub title here) Yes, I was surely pushing the "envelope" as they say, but I have always resorted to shock for attention. I am not proud of this fact and if I could change one thing by ways of writing this today it would be that. However, that is just who I am.

Well, this is starting to sound quite a bit like ramblings so I'll just say to all those out there that found my bit of art offensive. Fuck you, it was art. Or at least the best I could do towards it at this point.

I Have No Fans

Unfortunately, I haven't received one positive response to my blog. It's as if there is no one out there that has had sex with a minor. Please! And the funny part is they didn't even read me enough to see I was in a moral dilemma. Wake up blow hards, I have the guts to explore the darker side of myself.

Would you rather I become a closet case, replacing my feelings and thoughts until I bust in some gruesome way. Your daughter is in the morgue and I am on the run. Now that's a solution. (Hopefully you detect the sarcasm.)

Honesty I am much more interested in sex with someone my age but doesn't the possibility provoke your thoughts. Here these girls are out there looking for what comes next. Here I am seeing them do it. What harm is there in letting them have experience. Girls: Wouldn't you like to be the first one in your homeroom to say you sucked a man's cock.

No, My Worst Fears Realized

I peeked out the window today at 12. The girls were at the wall. I shaved, combed my hair and headed out. Wow, did I feel like an idiot when I got close enough to realize they were hanging out with boys their own age.

I didn't dare approach them. I just waved and made for the corner store, bought a water and walked back home. Do you think they noticed I bought a water. I didn't know what else to buy. I was dumbfounded. Kinda stood there in the store for a moment like I was stupidly staring at nothing, then made like I was trying to make a decision and grabbed the first thing in front of me. Water.

Oh well, as much as I loved the conquest and writting about it too, I am not one to throw a wrench into the workings of nature, not intetionally at least. So, for all intensive purposes consider my quest to get one or both of these girls over.

That is not to say I will not continue to write to you on the Grub Blog, see you next time.

Sorry Dad's

Well dispite the objection of a certain father who recently visited my blog, my plan is moving forward at a teenage clip. That is to say it is happening fast. These girls are bored and the only remedy for bordem is excitment. Potential excitment is just another let down. And I am afraid I might have let them down.

Here's what happened. I walked down to the wall I had last seen them hang on and there they were. My heart rose into my throught. It was no different then approaching any women my own age at first. Very difficult. My vision gets cloudy and it feels like my head is in a vice. I wanted to seem natural not stupid old and perverted. It turned out to be easy, they really are quite simple.

"Nice day, isn't it?" I said.

"Awsome." replyed the tall blonde. She is borderline redhead and too large for me to really like. She is already taller than me and quite thick for a female. She name is Shauna.

I introduced myself.

"I live in that apartment right there." I said.

"You have your own apartment." exclaimed the brunette. She is small, narrow faced with a big nose. Not much top end, to be expected at her age, but her ass looked great in the low rise jeans. She is Debra.

"Yea." I said. "Well, I share it with my girlfriend. But it's not like I have parents lurking just around the corner."

Here's where I went wrong. Instead of inviting them upstairs and off the street I said, "I'll see you girls around this summer." And continued casually on my walk. Now, at home and in hind sight, I am afraid they will meet some boys their own age before I can advance further towards my goal. I just couldn't stand there anymore though. I was getting nervous. The last thing I need the niegbors to see is me leading these girls up to my place.

Oh well, back to peeking out the window.

Spring has arrived in RI

Wow it is so nice out I am surprised I have found to log on and drop in. Well, it's 2:14 local time and the girls should be getting out of school around three. Damn I and excited!

Today is the day I make contact, I am sure of it. Wish me luck. I'll keep you posted.